Drowning in Memories
by Silver Sailor Ganymede
Summary: SMKnM. ChikaneMinako, ChikaneHimeko, ReiMinako. Some memories aren't meant to be forgotten, sometimes the heart refuses to heal.


Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon or Kannazuki no Miko.

Drowning in Memories  
By Silver Sailor Ganymede

She was dead. The light of the sun had faded from her life forever… and it was all her own fault. Had she been stronger she would have offered herself to appease them, but she was not strong and so she lived on while her light had died. Why had the gods made it this way? Why did she have to stain her hands with the blood of her lover in order to bring about peace once more? The priestess of the Moon shook her head in despair and, leaving her light's body where it lay, trudged up the seemingly never-ending steps to the shrine.

Never had the Moon seemed so desolate to her, so barren: there was no life on the Moon save their order and soon they too would be gone. Without the child of the Sun to please them, most would retreat to Earth. She was soon to be the only one left, not that she deserved anything more after what she had done.

Chikane shut the door of the shrine behind her and sat down in the darkness. She could not see the bloodstained sword she held, and perhaps that was for the better: the sight of the Sun priestess' blood would only have served to further increase the guilt that gnawed away at her heart. She did not want to remain alone… Chikane tightened her grip around the sword and drove its blade through her chest. For a moment she felt such pain that she would have been blinded if she could have seen at all at that time, then there was only darkness: she fell back into the welcoming arms of death, or at least that's what she presumed.

* * *

The next thing the lunar priestess knew, there was no pain, no darkness, only a calming light. 

'Is this heaven?' she wondered, but soon she decided that it couldn't possibly be; no murderer such as herself would be permitted to pass the gates of paradise. It was then that she felt something in her hand, something cold: the sword, Himeko's sword, the sword with which she had committed a heinous crime such a short time before. No, this was not heaven, simply a trick death had played on her: if in fact she was dead at all.

Chikane opened her eyes then half-closed them again; the light was blinding, painful to her eyes after the darkness she had been encased in for however long it had been. Shakily she sat up and looked around her surroundings. Wherever she was it was most certainly not the shrine, for it had been shrouded in darkness whereas this place seemed a temple of light, a palace carved entirely from what could only been moonstone.

It was then that a young girl entered the place in which Chikane had found herself. She supposed this girl to be some sort of angel at first, radient as she was with her sapphire eyes and impossibly long, golden hair. Chikane stood up and bowed in greeting but the girl did not respond… then she began to scream.

* * *

Chikane did not know why she was sitting there in that dark cell. The guards had come and taken her when the girl had become hysterical, their rough handling leaving her skin a deep purple colour in many places, though miraculously her robes were still undamaged. 

She sighed and leaned back against a cold, damp wall, wondering what had led her to be in such a situation. She did not know where she was, for it certainly was not Heaven, that much she knew for certain by then. Perhaps she was indeed in Hell. Perhaps Heaven and Hell existed side by side, just as good an evil did in the mortal world.

She stopped her wondering; it was getting her nowhere. Of course it was impossible for her to get anywhere physically either at that time, bound hand and foot as she was. In her normal state the chains would not have been even a slight hindrance to her… yet she had lost all will for anything. Himeko was gone and would never return to her, and it was by her own hand that her love had been lost. By her hand and a god's corrupt policies. Nothing was pure in such a world as that, not in a world where lifeblood was the only price with which the higher powers would ever be satisfied. She should have been the one that died; she was not pure, not like Himeko had been. She should have been the one…

Tears blinded her as light flooded into her cell. She felt her chains being undone, felt herself being hauled to her feet and taken down astonishingly white corridors where the light became as pure as diamonds, a place where only angels could have lived, she told herself. Heaven and Hell did indeed thrive side by side in such a place; death, she reasoned, was just the aftermath of life… or was life simply a prologue to death?

Chikane felt cold seeping into her bones as she guards threw her on the stone floor as though she was an inanimate object rather than a human. She looked up slightly and caught a glimpse of where she was. This room too must have been carved of pure moonstone, she supposed, judging by the way it created rainbows everywhere. It was then that Chikane decided she had been taken to the land of the fairies or some such place, for neither Heaven nor Hell would possess such a strange, eerie beauty. At the end of the room stood two thrones, both ornate in their design and seemingly wrought from purest silver. One throne stood strangely empty: in the other sat a woman as silver as the room around her: from her cunning eyes to her hair, styled in the same odd way the young girl's had been, everything was silver.

The woman stood up and walked down to where Chikane still lay, and it was then that the lunar priestess saw that the guards around her had fallen into deep bows, all of them prostrate before this strangely majestic woman.

"Get up," she said, not only to the guards but to Chikane as well. Her words, though kind-sounding at first, had an edge of both suspicion and curiosity to them, or at least that's how it sounded to Chikane's ears. Unquestioningly she stood, wondering whom this woman was and what answers she might give her.

"Who are you?" Chikane asked, surprised when she saw the look of complete disbelief on the woman's face

"You honestly expect me to believe that you don't know who I am?" the woman was almost laughing. "But I'll play along with your game for now, girl. I am Queen Serenity, ruler of the Moon Kingdom and leader of the Silver Millennium's alliance."

"Queen Serenity?" Chikane repeated, still mystified by the name; she had never heard of a 'Queen Serenity' and there was nothing on the Moon excepet for their shrine.

Utter shock flashed over the Queen's features, "So you weren't lying," she whispered; it was almost as though she had read Chikane's thoughts. "Tell me, who are you? You can't be from the Moon if you didn't know the rules of the temple; and besides, you most certainly don't look Lunarian."

Chikane frowned, "My name is Himemiya Chikane. I am the priestess of the Moon but I was born on Earth."

"The preistess of the Moon," Serenity repeated, confusion gracing her silver features yet again. "We have no priestesses to the Moon itself: we of the royal family are the only ones that can pray to the Moon spirit. The only others that can enter the temple itself are the sailor senshi."

"Sailor senshi?" Chikane frowned. So far all she had managed to discover was that she was apparently on the Moon, and that just served to make the entire situation even even more confusing that it had been beforehand, for the Moon she knew was nothing like this place, nothing at all.

"So you really don't know," Serenity whispered. Had she been anyone else, the Queen's features would most probably have been contorted into shock and disbelief, but she was better than that at hiding her emotions; years of political struggle would do that to a ruler, would they not?

"Who are the Sailor senshi, Queen Serenity?" Chikane asked, the name sounding strange to her ears as she said it.

"You will find out soon enough," Serenity sighed, her reply indicating that the discussion was over. "Take her to some guest quarters immediately," she commanded two of the guards that had stood there the whole time in silence. "Nothing that was said is to leave this place, do you understand?"

Wordless acknowledgement met the queen's command, and Chikane found herself escorted from the room almost as clueless as to her situation as she had been when she had entered there.

* * *

Chikane's first meeting with the senshi had been arranged for later that same day, in one of the main halls of the Moon Kingdom's palace. Chikane was in shock at the grandeur of the place; the Moon she had known had been desolate but for the Shrine, but this place surpassed even what little she had seen of the paradise that was Earth. Everything was white and silver, light, pure: and yet there was still something there, something that indicated that not everything was truly as it seemed. 

The looks in the guardian soldier's eyes when they first saw her only seemed to confirm that fact. The blue-haired soldier of Mercury, Suisei Ami, surveyed her with a look of mingled confusion and fascination. The tall, emerald-eyed soldier of Jupiter, Mokusei Makoto, had a look of apprehension on her features, as though she did not know what to expect from her. The soldier of Mars, Kasei Rei, was glaring at her with a look of pure venom in her deep violet eyes. Finally there was the soldier of Venus, Kinsei Minako, whose expression held only welcome, though the soldier of Mars drew her away from Chikane when she attempted to go and speak to her.

From the place where she stood, Chikane heard how quickly their tones changed after their initial meeting with her. The Marian guardian, she noticed, spoke about her in a voice that was as cold and venomous as her expression had been priorly.

"Is Serenity an idiot?" she hissed to the Venian guardian, who shrugged in reply.

"This girl can't be evil; Serenity would never trust anyone evil, would she?"

"But this Chikane or whatever her name is… she can't be from the Moon! I mean look at her colouring; no native of the Moon has hair or eyes that dark."

"If anything she look like she's from _your _planet," the Jovian soldier pointed out, much to the Martian's annoyance.

"No self-respecting child of Mars would say they came from _here_," she growled, but silenced herself at a look from the Mercurial soldier, whom Chikane could plainly see was one of the most level-headed of them all.

Chikane couldn't stand listening to it any more; after quickly excusing herself, she went up to her quarters and tried to sleep, but even at such a late hour sleep refused to come to her. If her first impressions and now this meeting were anything to go by, Chikane knew that her future on the Moon Kingdom did not bode well.

* * *

It was only now, after weeks of staying shut up in her quarters, that Chikane had been in the right frame of mind to go out into the gardens that surrounded the palace itself. She had gazed upon them from her room, but until that day it had been too painful for her to go anywhere near them; it reminded her too much of Himeko, too much of the love she had been forced to kill. On that day, however, Chikane had felt drawn to them as if by a magnetic force, and before she knew it she was walking in the light, amongst the flowers that bloomed in this beautiful dystopia. 

Soon she found herself on the banks of a river. The water had a calming effect on her: it was like all her memories were being washed away, like she was being cleansed of all her pain. She shook her head and sat down, this time staring away from the river and its hypnotic flow: some memories, no matter how painful, were just not meant to be forgotten…

"It's beautiful here, isn't it?" a voice came from behind her, causing her to start and jump to her feet only to be met with the sight of the golden haired soldier of Venus, whom she had recently discovered to be a princess, just like the young Serenity whom she had encountered upon her arrival there.

"Don't worry, Chikane, it's only me," Minako chuckled, her blue eyes gleamning like sapphires in the light. She sat down by the river, motioning for Chikane to sit with her. She sighed and Chikane noticed that Minako's eyes were filled with tears that would never be shed. "It's too beautiful here, too much like my home planet. I wish I was back there, but I guess that isn't possible, just like it isn't possible for you to return to your world."

Chikane nodded silently, not even bothering to wonder how Minako knew that she was from another world. The pain and dread coming into her then were too powerful for her to think of anything else; realisation finally sunk in: she would never return home… she would never see Himeko again.

* * *

After that, Chikane often found herself wandering down to the river: memories of what was forever lost should never be forgotten, but it was alright to let something calm her, to let something wash the pain away. 

Oftentimes she would see Minako down by the riverside too, but she never realised why, and she never noticed the look of pain she harboured in her gaze. Sometimes Minako and Chikane did not even notice each other's presence, but sometimes they would talk, sometimes they would discuss the past as well as the present, but neither would mention the future. There was no future in their eyes; the Silver Millennium was doomed to fall, and soon by the looks of things.

That day was one of the few days on which the two spoke to each other. Chikane had been there for months and had lost all hope returning home, of ever seeing Himeko again. There was nothing left for her, and yet… and yet as the girl next to her spoke, her words falling on deaf ears, Chikane felt that there was something there, something from which she could actually draw comfort…

In that moment Minako did not seem to be Minako: in Chikane's eyes she had become Himeko, her lost love. There was no thought, no time, nothing, only Minako remained in Chikane's eyes… only Minako… only Himeko… She leant forward and brushed her lips against the Venian's, then drew back quickly as she realised what she had done.

"I…" she began, but quickly realised that there was no shock on the other girl's face.

"Why didn't you just tell me?" she whispered. Chikane thought she was about to leave but was surprised when the senshi of Venus simply drew her into a close embrace.

What Chikane didn't know was that Minako too was mourning for a love that could never again be reached and drowning in memories of what would never be again.

* * *

It had been going on for weeks and Minako couldn't stand it. She could not stand the fact that she was with someone who did not love her, and whom she did not love. It was stupid, so goddamned stupid… so why couldn't she just end it? Why couldn't she just leave the Priestess alone? Of course that was a stupid question and one to which she knew the answer for certain, and the answer in question had to do with the raven haired Martian who happened to be walking toward her at that moment. 

Kasei Rei always seemed out of place on the Moon Kingdom, Minako noticed. Perhaps it was because of her dark beauty, perhaps because of the bloodlust that lay, barely masked behind the cold expression on her face. Martians were not meant to understand peace; they were creatures of war and that, Minako knew, was what had caused them to drift from each other.

She was surprised when Rei sat next to her on the cold, stone bench of the gardens. At first the Martian simply sat and stared into space, then at last she finally spoke.

"You don't love her, do you?" the senshi of Mars spat, her violet eyes glimmering with malice. "You're just using her."

"Just like you used me," Minako said softly, "And just like she's using me now."

"What?" Rei spun around, a confused from on her face.

"She's using me to replace someone she lost… and I'm using her for the same thing," Minako whispered. "True love doesn't exist in reality, it's something only found in the minds of dreamers and the weak. We of Venus are born knowing this, Rei: I suppose I was a fool to have thought you any different, to have thought that love might possibly have been real. Such a fool I was, such a fool…"

"If that's what you believe then you truly are weak," Rei hissed. She stood up and walked away, leaving the Venian once again with only her own thoughts and memories for company.

* * *

Chikane looked around the throne room in confusion. She did not know why they had been called to meet with Queen Serenity: in fact why was her presence necessary there at all. The Mercurial and Martian soldiers seemed to know what was going on, but the others appeared rather clueless. 

It was only then that she noticed a dark-skinned woman standing next to the queen. She was conspicuous enough amongst all the unnaturally fair Lunar peoples, but perhaps what made her stand out the most was the fact that she wore the same uniform as Serenity's soldier, though her's was a deep shade of grey with bows as red as the gem on the staff she carried in her hand. Next to her were two more soldiers, one with the aqua-coloured eyes and hair that Chikane had learned were the trademarks of the Neptunians, while the other was tall and had the sand-coloured hair and emerald eyes commonly found on Uranus.

The dark-featured woman, whom Chikane noted with shock had eyes the colour of blood, shot her a look filled with despair when she turned around. Chikane was confused, and that confusion deepened further when the woman walked over to her, her grief seeming to deepen.

"Do not do anything rash; it may seem good, but in the long-term it will make no difference. Everything falls in the end," she spoke in a barely audible voice, the cryptic words laced with the pain that Chikane could so plainly see in her expression.

The woman disappeared without ever revealing who she was. It was then that Chikane noticed that everyone around her had fallen silent. The Queen was about to speak; she would finally know why she had been called here.

The Queen stared down from her throne, her silvery eyes filled with tears of despair. She sighed deeply, then after a while she spoke.

"A great evil has arisen from the Solar Kingdom," she said, her words echoing throught the silent chamber. "It has already somehow spread to Earth, further straining our already weak alligence with the blue planet. To make matters worse, we have been informed that King Endymion the sixteenth was the victim of an assassination merely days ago, and his son has been deemed unfit to rule as he is too young for such a post. It seems that the Telluric Kingdom is now in a time of chaos.

"The command of the planet has fallen to the military, which is currently headed by one Cythereaus Kunzite, though it has come into my knowledge that someone else has taken charge in truth. We do not yet know this self-proclaimed Queen's name, but I have sufficient reason to believe that she has somehow been possessed by the evil released from the Solar Kingdom.

"If what we are to believe is true then we have reason to feel that the end of our kingdom's rule is drawing near, but we must still continue to fight, even if all hope seems lost," Serenity fell into silence.

"Don't we have any way to stop this?" the senshi of Mars practically shouted, fury getting the better of her.

"Yes," Queen Serenity replied. "But it requires a sacrifice… a human sacrifice."

Silence descended on the room, then Chikane took it upon herself to break it, though when she did she said something that no one would have expected.

"I'll do it," she said, her voice barely about a whisper. "I'll sacrifice myself for the good of this kingdom. I…"

"You can't!" Rei spoke out with fury evident in her voice. "Serenity you cannot permit this: human sacrifice is inhumane; to resort to such measures would make as just as demonic as the ones we're trying to fight against!"

Queen Serenity did not need to reply; the look in her eyes said everything they needed to know. What Chikane did not see was the dead look that had crept into Minako's eyes; she knew that the time had finally come, the time she had dreaded the most.

* * *

Chikane rested against the pillar in the center of the Moon Kingdom's shirne, the place where she had first arrived on this world. She did not feel any emotion, there was no fear of her imminent death; what was there to be afraid of after all? 

The doors to the shrine opened, their creaking sounding to her ears like the cries of the dead as they did so. Her executioner stepped into the room, their footsteps light and soft, not at all like what she had expected.

Then the doors slammed shut once more, sending the shrine into a state as close to darkness as it would ever get. Chikane looked up at the face of the one by whose hand she was to die, an involuntary gasp leaving her as she did so.

"Minako?" Chikane asked, astonished that of all the people it could have been, the young Venian had been the one to be chosen to do such a deed. It was almost too much for her, too uncannily like it would be if she had been the one to have been given to their deities and not Himeko. It seemed the Gods were cruel no matter what world she was in.

"Only the bearer of this sword may go forward with the ritual. I, as the leader of the senshi in Serenity's inner court, am the one who must carry the sword and have upon my hands the blood that it sheds. This is the way the law commands it," she spoke the words without emotion, saying them as she had been taught to do since her choosing as the soldier of Venus. "I'm sorry, it's the only way," here emotion had time to creep into her voice, but Chikane did not register it. There was only pain as the Venian quickly drove the sword through her heart. Pain, pain beyond imagination: this must have been what Himeko felt. Then there was nothing.

Minako dropped the sword to the ground with a clatter as Chikane's body fell limp and lifeless, her eyes now unseeing of all around her. She had made the greatest sacrifice, the giving of her own life to save the lives of those that she barely knew and to save a world that was not even her own. She had given her life… and now she was gone forever, never to return.

Minako fell to the ground beside Chikane's corpse, tears streaming unhindered from her eyes. Their world had been saved but at what cost and for how long? The life of one should not be given in order to save the lives of many; such gods as would demand that were no gods at all!

It was then that she noticed the smile on Chikane's face and the light that had come into her eyes, which was one that had never been present while she was alive. A shining spirit, Chikane's spirit, appeared to her for a moment and was joined by another, the spirit of a girl who looked eerily similar to Minako herself… so she must have been the one that Chikane had lost.

"Thank you, Minako," Chikane whispered then she and her companion disappeared, their souls reaching a place that the living would never see and never know. Chikane was gone… but she was free, and neither she nor Minako were drowning in memories and pain, not any longer.


End file.
